I’ve just been listening to a Japanese spokesman making his country’s “case” for the slaughter of 900 minke whales. The reason they have embarked on this morally reprehensible and totally unjustifiable campaign, apparently, is to kill the whales to look at their ear wax to see how old they are, and also to count the population (900 less that before, you dumb pillock!). Never in my life have I heard such mind-numbingly dishonest bollocks!

It was perfectly clear that the spokesman believed not a single word that he was saying, which makes me wonder – is this the official line of the Japanese government and, if so, is it sanctioned by the Japanese people who, after all, are the end-users?

There’s no doubt that there’s a substantial market for whale meat in Japan, so presumably the whale-eating public is quite happy for their representatives to foist the most egregious garbage on the rest of the world, who see the true horror of whaling for what it is – insanely barbarous and utterly pointless.

The thing is, though, Japan is a very wealthy country – they don’t need whale-meat, because although the market is large, as a percentage of the country’s total food intake, it’s a drop in the ocean. It’s also very expensive, given what it costs to acquire. But that, of course, may be the point – whale meat has gone from a staple food, as it was, apparently, during WW2, to an elitist luxury, the consumers of which, as is the case with caviar, couldn’t give a shit about the cruelty or unsustainability of the trade.

It’s high time the international community declared whale-hunting a crime, and sent warships to sink the whaling ships. Yes, there’d loss of life – but they’re only whalers. Poetic justice, in a way…