Old Farmer Clarkson…

Jeremy Clarkson has bought a farm. No, not the farm – don’t get your hopes up – and now he’s finding out that running a farm is beset with rules and regulations, and he’s not at all happy because, ah, diddums, he doesn’t like rules. And who does old Motormouth blame for this? Why, Gordon Brown, of course.

In Clarkson’s royal blue world, everything he objects to is the fault of Gordon – just like all those retards who blame him (Gordon not Jeremy, but you can never tell with retards), personally, for the global recession – but many of the regulations he’s bitching and whining about have been around for decades, and even those that haven’t are bugger all to do with Brown or any other Prime Minister, except peripherally.

So I’ve posted a comment to that effect on his Times column, not least because a load of other paranoid fuckwits are chiming in with “It was Brown wot done it,” no matter what “it” may be, which is complete bollocks. Be interesting to see if they publish it.**

I also posted a very short earlier comment, which sank without trace. Clarkson was whining about having to build a barn to tup his ewes – I said he didn’t have to do it, he could get a ram. Oh, how we laughed! Well, not at the Times anyway – that sank too. So I posted another comment, elsewhere, which was published, and another, which set me wondering – did my little joke go right over the heads of the moderators because they have no idea what a tup is? (For unregenerate townies, tupping is having the ewes serviced by a ram, which is also known as a tup – come on, keep up.)

As for Clarkson, while his trademark penchant for gross exaggeration and bizarre flights of fancy is one thing, taking liberties with the truth, by blaming Brown, personally, for everything he takes exception to, is something else entirely.Because judging by some of the comments on his regular columns, some of his fans really are retards, and are likely to believe him.

He was also threatening to use agricultural red diesel in his own Land Rover. Probably a joke, even Clarkson isn’t dumb enough to say that and mean it, but I hope he’s looking forward to being pulled over for roadside checks every time he goes out. The men from the Min of Ag take things like that a bit seriously (yep, I do know that the Min of Ag is now the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, but DEFRA doesn’t have the same ring).

** Comment weirdness. The number of comments was 32, and I’ve been checking back waiting for mine, when suddenly it clicked over to 34, so I scrolled down to see if one of them was mine. Nope, but what was weird was that there was only one new comment, not two. How does that work?

I used to like Clarkson, and never missed Top Gear, now I just think he’s a gobby twat. Probably means I’ve learned sense at last.