I’m sitting here waiting for UPS to deliver several packages, and peering bemusedly at their tracking applet, which, as always, tells me as close to bugger all as makes no difference. In these GPS-everything days, why isn’t it possible to show the actual location of the van?
Telling me that my packages were loaded at 06.08 today is singularly unhelpful – especially as delivery can happen any time over a 12-hour time span. However, knowing that the van was 20 miles away, and I had time to pop out for a pint of milk, or that it was 2 miles away, and I’ve just got time for a pee – which, in fact, almost guarantees they’ll arrive while I’m thus engaged – would actually be useful.
The UPS website bears a stern, if mystifying, warning:-
NOTICE: UPS authorises you to use UPS tracking systems solely to track shipments tendered by or for you to UPS for delivery and for no other purpose. Any other use of UPS tracking systems and information is strictly prohibited.
Really? Who’d have thought it? I mean, seriously, what the hell else could I possibly use it for? Ordering my shopping from Sainsbury’s? Checking to see if local football teams are at home on Saturday, so I know whether it’s safe to go to the pub or if it’ll be full of twats?
Nope – all I can do is get the information that my goodies are somewhere between here and the UPS base in North Wales. So, please, can somebody at UPS tell me what, exactly, is the point of that warning? If, indeed, it actually has one, which I sincerely doubt.
UPS aren’t unique here – utterly pointless signs about things you have no desire to do and couldn’t if you wanted to, like “No Ball Games” on an electrified rail line (let the buggers play – think of it as applied Darwinism), for example, or signs in taxis telling perfectly sober citizens that drunken puking will cost them £35, have proliferated in recent years, to the extent that the only sensible response is a shake of the head and a bemused WTF?
Yep, I do know I’m stretching a point with that title. . .