I had a Quorn cottage pie last night. I said to someone, when I bought it, that it just had to be better than the Sainsbury’s version – I couldn’t have been more wrong.
It was the most appalling crap. A minuscule layer – and that’s being generous – of Quorn mince, in a vaguely savoury gravy with a few peas and bits of carrot, and a couple of shreds of something that might have been anything but was hopefully onion, was totally dominated by a slab of the worst kind of industrial mashed potato, with the texture of congealing wallpaper paste. The taste, too, pretty much. Serial killers on death row deserve better food than this.
According to the pack info, the mash contains butter, milk, white pepper, salt and flavouring. What sort of bloody flavouring to spuds need, for pity’s sake? Anyway, whatever it is, it doesn’t work!
It’s common knowledge – certainly among foodies – that if you “mash” spuds in a food processor, you get glue. On an industrial scale – assuming it wasn’t made from potato powder – it’s probably worse, because you just know the spuds will be the cheapest available not, say, Maris Piper, or King Edwards. If I fed food this bad to a dog, it’d probably bite me, and I’d deserve it too.
Any budding veggie encountering this slop would probably send out for a meat-feast pizza, and abandon the idea completely.
Food like this can do nothing but harm to the cause of vegetarianism, not to mention the poor bugger who eats it and, a decade into the 21st century there can be no possible excuse. However, at £2.79 for what was at least 90% extremely low-grade mashed potato, it certainly does no harm at all to Marlow Foods’ balance sheet.
And, two hours after eating it, I felt absolutely awful, and continued to feel pukey until I finally gave up and went to bed at 01.00. (Next day isn’t a great deal better, either!)
So – a friendly word of advice – avoid this shit like the plague.
Oh, and Sainsbury’s cottage pie is way better.