Old Bloke’s Snowy Odyssey…

So, a 72-year-old Moroccan bloke drives to Gatwick Airport, drops off his wife, and sets off home. In the snow.

He gets lost for 4 days, as the Guardian reports.

Irretrievably lost, having left his mobe (and essential diabetes meds), at home, he trundles up and down the M4 for 4 days, stopping for coffee, presumably food too, and fuel, though neither are mentioned, before returning to his grand tour of the motorway and a selection of towns in Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire (as recorded on police cameras).

When finally rescued by police, he said “I blame my satnav for what happened”.

Seriously? You know, if there’s one thing satnav is remarkably good at, it’s navigating the motorway system. In a blizzard, satnav might not work too well (I’m not sure, never having used one in that situation, nor do I know if he experienced one), but even if it didn’t work, and all the road signs where plastered with driven snow, pulling into  the first services he encountered would have told him were he was. You can’t get lost for long on a motorway. And here’s a thing; he kept going off the motorway, bumbling around the sarf, before returning to it. WTF?

You know, back in the mists of time, when we had to make our own fun, we’d say that the biggest danger in a car was the nut holding the steering wheel. Oh, how we laughed!

It’s still true, however, as despite multiple stops along his marathon route, refuelling man and, presumably, machine, and asking the way of a bemused selection of passers-by, though they apparently couldn’t understand the question, it never once occurred to the dozy sod to use a payphone to phone home. In 4 days and nights it apparently didn’t occur to him at all. He’d had the foresight to take along cold weather gear in case of breakdown but not, apparently, his common sense.

You really couldn’t make it up.

So, should someone who drives round bemused for 4 days, and who, as far as anyone can tell, never once thought of using a payphone to summon help from his family, though he must have encountered a few, really a fit person to hold a driving licence?

Oh, and here’s a tip for terrorists on a recon mission – drive around the south as much as you like for several days, especially in towns in Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire, and don’t worry at all about the police seeing you. They apparently couldn’t give a toss.

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