Don’t you just love witlessly crap civil servants? DirectGov has an online application for Blue Badges, and it beggars belief.
Apparently, if I apply online I have to provide one of the following, in the form of a “certified photocopy” whatever the hell one of those is. Certified by whom? A notary? (Where do I find one?) The Vicar? (I’m an atheist) Some bloke in the pub? (Works for me!) Buggered if I know, because – just a minor detail – they don’t fucking say! And at this point it fails, dismally, to be an online application, as it can’t be completed if I have to provide further documentation.
The thing is, I have none of those. I had to give up driving some years ago, so surrendered my licence; all but the first two are irrelevant to me anyway, as my birth certificate, and marriage and divorce certificates, along with half a lifetime of paper, were destroyed when the stupid bitch in the flat above me ran a bath, fell asleep pissed, and forgot about it, flooding my flat, wrecking my desk and everything in it, among much else.
But the thing is, I shouldn’t have to prove my identity to my local authority – the buggers know me. I’ve lived in the borough since 1985, got married and subsequently divorced here, lived at this address for almost 16 years, and been in receipt of CT and HB benefits since 1986. I’ve had a Blue Badge most of that time too. Yet now I have to prove I am who I say I am? Screw that – those buggers have more paper proving who I am than I’ve ever had!
And I still don’t know what a certified photocopy is, or, if it comes to that, what the point of an online application process is if it can’t be completed online!