Note: This was written yesterday.
Nurses asked me to get the GP out today. I assumed they wanted him to inspect my festering, infected Lymphoedema, as no-one at the surgery has actually seen it, though I have been referred to the vascular clinic. So I arranged a home visit.
The Staff Nurse came today, so I asked, if I unwrap my leg to show the doc, who’s going to redress it for me? (I could do my leg, but not my foot.)
She gave me a funny look and said he was coming to see me, not my leg, as I’d been unwell for a couple of weeks. I pointed out that unwell was my default state and had been for nigh on 30 years.
So we kicked it around a bit, and it seems they thought I was suicidal again. I’m not.
What I am is occasionally depressed – I defy anyone in my position not to be! Right now, for example, I’m leaving wet, sticky footprints wherever I go, even though my dressings were changed less than 5 hours ago. This is because my GP hates paying for the correct dressings which prevent me leaking all over the landscape are too expensive. And bear in mind that every wet footprint I leave becomes a source of re-infection for me and infection for anyone else.
That the dressings are grossly overpriced is inarguable – £45 a day used properly, not that we ever have enough to do that – and so is the fact that this is a problem for the NHS to sort out. It should not be made my problem.
What I’m not is occasionally suicidal – that event was exceptional and I hope never to be put in that position again. It was caused entirely by the fact that nobody was taking my pain seriously, and as a result I couldn’t get even barely adequate medication and became profoundly and dangerously depressed as a direct result. I now have better meds, but there is room for improvement.
Later that day…
Seems the nurses have talked to him too but, like me, he had no idea what was expected of him! So we talked about pain and depression, and suicide not being a current problem, and I wound up with an extra 10mg of morphine to add to my current 30mg dose. The important thing, to me, is that it’s in the form of 10mg tablets or capsules (rather than changing the 30mg to 40mg), which gives me scope to experiment and find the optimum dose.
And I’m sure he knows I’ll do that! He pretty well hinted as much.