Today I wrote and published a normal blog post before 09.15. OK, it was just an addendum to the second post yesterday, but I can’t remember how long it is since overwhelming pain prevented me from doing something that used to be the norm.

Today, I tweaked my pain meds, adding more morphine.

The original plan was to add 10ml of Oramorph to my 06.00 meds. That’s 20mg of quick-release morphine added to the 90mg of Zomorph (modified-release morphine), the idea being that the Oramorph would mute the pain while I waited for the Zomorph to kick in, which takes an unconscionable time. That worked very well.

I’d also planned to add another 10mg of Zomorph, but – Sod’s Law – a bout of Pulmonary Oedema kicked off at around 05.30, so I didn’t push my luck in case it further impaired my breathing (it shouldn’t – it never has – but still…).

So I held that back and – because the pain kicked in again – I took it at 10.00. I also took 5ml of Oramorph. The literature says it can be taken 4 hourly or 6 hourly. Right now the need is for 4 hourly and screw the consequences, I’ve suffered enough, pandering to my idiot GP who’s convinced himself I’ll curl up and die if I actually take the stuff at a genuinely therapeutic level.

And yes, I know I’ve said that 5ml does nothing. That’s largely true – if that was all I took there’d never be enough in my system to be effective, but there is at the moment.

Anyway, that’s how things are for now. I’m still hurting – a lot by the standards of able-bodied people whom, I know from experience, simply can’t comprehend the level of pain many of us treat as “normal for us” (and I know that far too many doctors sure as hell can’t**). The important thing, for me, is that I can function much better today, and the pain is survivable.

Yesterday it was not. It was, by some margin, the worst I have ever experienced.

**When medical students finally qualify, the last act in their training should be to beat them with shovels – teach them what real pain feels like, because most haven’t a clue and, barring accidents, will go through their entire career not having a clue, and that really needs to change.

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