Earth at risk after cuts close comet-spotting program, scientists warn shrieks the Guardian, getting its knickers in a right old twist over nothing. So here’s a tip, guys – stop trying to out-bollocks the Mail!
The risk now is exactly the same as it was before. If a comet strikes us we’re toast, whether we know it’s coming or not.
And if we know, we can’t exactly run away, now can we?
Untwist your knickers, and stop trying to panic people. There’s bugger all we could do about it anyway.