I wrote about how grim things had become yesterday, and that I was in the grip of seriously worrying depression. Well, I’m happy to report that things have improved somewhat.
Oh, I’m still depressed, but the pull of my suicide kit, from its hiding place, has weakened a hell of a lot.
I have a suicide kit because, the way my health is going, there will come a point, maybe sooner rather than later, when I will become a burden to myself and/or to others. At that point I’m stepping out. I’ve already written about that before, at length, and I’m not going to do so now – just setting the scene, as it were.
I’ve managed to come to terms – to a Continue reading
And I have no real idea why.
There is, though, something very weird going on in my life right now, way beyond even the normal vagaries of the usual suspects (ME/CFS, COPD, OA, aortic valve calcification and heart failure are the biggies). At the risk of being accused of melodrama, even waking up in the mornings has come as a surprise the past few days –I am, quite seriously, not expecting to. Not that I’d know if I didn’t, of course!
Last Monday I was extremely ill, and profoundly, almost suicidally, depressed – no, that’s not hyperbole. So bad that I was forced to cancel a cardiology appointment I’d waited 8 months for (still waiting for a new appointment, which they’ve promised to send ASAP, after I pointed out I might not have another 8 months).
Yet, on the Tuesday, I felt Continue reading