I really don’t know what to do about my future, or even if I have one.

Self-pity warning! Things are getting away from me and I hope, by getting this out of my head (and I’ve thought long and hard over whether I should post this, the emotional cost of which has been pretty high, and scary), I can regain some control. Or, at least, a semblance thereof, because if things don’t change for the better, I’m screwed.

I don’t normally do self-pity – I just thought I’d get in with it first!

To show you one of the things that is blighting my life, I was going to leave this completely uncorrected but, by the end of the first page (there are 6 in total, plus the image), there were so many errors I just couldn’t face it. And it was becoming unintelligible. Which is why it’s taken 3 days to write just under 2,300 words.

So, anyway, I went for a walk the other day. Not a Continue reading

Assisted suicide – the view from someone with a vested interest…

A serious bone of contention right now is the issue of assisted suicide, and the legality thereof – and I really cannot get my head around the claims that it’s bad news for disabled people, and a slippery slope to euthanasia – that’s bullshit. As for the pro-life brigade – here’s a thought – mind your own bloody business! Go run your own lives, don’t interfere with mine or anyone else’s.

The legality or otherwise, of course, lies in the assistance, not the suicide, and the recommendation is that the person providing the assistance should not be punished as long as certain criteria are met (in point of fact it’s rare for anyone in Britain to be prosecuted but it’s not, currently, impossible for that to happen). You cannot, for example Continue reading

Some Ideas for Living with Chronic Illness…

About which all I can say is, they work for me…

A few days ago I was accused – in a nice way – of being too bloody-minded to die. It is, I suppose, quite true. At least that was also my late aunt’s view, and she’d known me all my life, so who am I to argue?

Of course, when your time’s up, it’s up – bugger all you can do about that – but I believe that the attitude with which you take on life can do quite a bit to make sure that day doesn’t arrive any earlier than it should, and hopefully quite a bit later – and that process begins in your head.

The opposite is also true.

So, having lived with serious illness, and disability, for all but my first 2 years, I thought that Continue reading

Only the staggeringly immature could believe suicide is the coward’s choice…

Last night, apparently (I didn’t see it), Sir Terry Pratchett and some other people were talking about ending their lives as a result of an assortment of nasty, and chronic, illnesses.

Almost unbelievably, Pratchett was roundly abused on Twitter, and accused of cowardice by people best described as fuckwits (here’s a thought – it would be interesting to see how you buggers would deal with Alzheimer’s, see how brave you are).

Personally, I think Continue reading

My contribution to ME Awareness Week…


As it’s ME Awareness Week, I thought I’d toss in my four penn’orth.


My M.E. History.

Note: this was written several years ago for my website Ron’s Realm. More recently I have developed serious (is there another kind?), heart failure (left ventricular failure), presumably as a result of my COPD. I now take standard Dihydrocodeine, instead of Dihydrocodeine Continus, as it’s more effective. At the same overall dose, 240mg a day, no reason why it should be, but it is. My ME remains much the same – unpredictable.


In the beginning was the darkness…

Born into the slums, and amid the dark, Satanic mills, of Continue reading