Is it me…?

I keep having the same, utterly futile, conversations with my nurses.

Conversation No. 1 – Staff Nurse: “You must agree to compression or your ulcer won’t heal.”

My reply: Assuming I accept that as a given,” (I don’t believe it is – no-one even thinks beyond compression**), “what can you do about the pain, and the fact that it doesn’t work for me?”

No answer.

**They don’t think outside the box because they don’t even know they’re in a box.

Consider the inconvenient facts:-

Continue reading

The end of the crisis, and a new recipe…

Am I good to you or what?

The recent crisis, I’m happy to report, is over, though I’m deeply aggrieved that I should be pushed to the brink of suicide by excruciating, unremitting, pain, before my bastard GPs will listen to me.

Initially, I was given Zomorph, sustained-release morphine 10 to 20mg, twice a day. That did nothing so a few days later a different GP added Gabapentin, 900mg twice a day. That dose proved too high and caused problems, including an almost catastrophic blackout. I came to just in time to get a hand down, dislocating a finger, otherwise I’d have hit a concrete floor face first. I popped the finger back before it swelled and locked up and, while it’s still sore, I’m otherwise OK.

When they were almost gone, I Continue reading

Full Dark, No Sleep…

(With apologies to Stephen King)


Pray – pray very hard – to whatever gods there might be that you never lose the ability to sleep. It’s a horrendous experience and can undermine your emotional and mental stability, and after the better part of 2 months with no useful sleep (2-3 hours, if I’m lucky), I was coming seriously unravelled.

A major part of my problem is that I can’t lie down – if I do, I can’t breathe, my herat doesn’t work properly, and the pain in my chest is unbearable, so since the end of January I’ve Continue reading